man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
