make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
