All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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