not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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