i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
