whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
