Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
