Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
