I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hippo gnu deer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
