Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
