I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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