Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
