I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
