You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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