if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
