I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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