I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's like heaven, but drunker
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
