i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
