I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
