I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
