I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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