hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
