Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
