puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
