He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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