His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
