Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
