I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
