apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
