gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
