I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
