Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
