i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
