I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
