Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
