this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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