dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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