____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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