i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I smell stomach acid.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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