ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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