She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
is wine microwaveable?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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