so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
