The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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