I accidentally had phone sex last night
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
