Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
