I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
