Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Porn is love you can see.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
