Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
