I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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