when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
