I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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